...and now for the second verse.

[chantry_choirboy]

The ride back to Skyhold is thankfully a peaceful one. Yet Cullen is still drained and tired, and when he sees the massive stone castle rise up in front of them, a sense of peace falls over him. Home.

He is honestly looking forward to settling back down in his windy tower. Sadly there's a lot that needs to be done before he can get that far. First they need to get the horses settled, then he expects to have to grovel a little since they have returned an entire day late and then-

His thoughts are interrupted because they second they reach the bridge, the guards up on the battlements shout at them in greeting and then turn to shout at the scouts so they can run over and announce their safe return.

"It seems they were a bit worried," he says to Hawke with a tired sigh. This is going to mean a lot of light being shed on them, isn't it?

Comments

[incrediblyhawkeward]

"Can you blame them? Their beloved Commander is late and it's possible the evil rogue secreted him away somewhere," Hawke murmurs, amused, as he guides Beauty over the bridge to the main gate and through into the yard.

He'll pull off to the side to avoid the swarm of soldiers that are happy to have their leader back. He doesn't want to be drowned in the sea of bodies or suffocate in the musk of many armored men.

[magical_fisting]

It's not just soldiers who have come to greet the travelers. There's a dark shadow waiting by the stables. He is covered in signs of fairly recent battles, fading bruises and half-healed cuts and burns. He doesn't move until Hawke dismounts Beauty.

"Hawke!"

He may sound angry, shouting like that, but he looks happy and relieved as he closes the distance between them in a few long strides and grabs the front of the rogue's armour to pull him in for a fierce kiss.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke is too stunned to even react. There's a voice he hasn't heard in years and very familiar lips slotting against his and completely dominating his mouth.

It takes a few seconds for his temporary paralysis to fade and then he pulls back and stares at the white-haired elf in front of him. "...Fenris?"

Of course it's Fenris. He doesn't doubt it's Fenris. He's not seeing things, but the fact remains that he honestly didn't expect to see him again. Especially not here. So it's more a question of what the elf is doing here than whether or not Hawke is hallucinating.

[chantry_choirboy]

Cullen is thinking along the same lines as Hawke. He doesn't want to be swarmed instantly either, but he has to stop for a moment and tell one of the lieutenants that he will be available for reports in a little bit, after he has had a moment to settle in.

So he is a few seconds behind Hawke, and reaches the stables in time to see his lover making out with his ex.

He dismounts and walks over just as Hawke is pulling away. And he looks reasonably confused. "Fenris."

[magical_fisting]

Fenris pulls away from the kiss with an upward quirk of his lips that may almost be a smile. His hand is still clutching Hawke's armour, and he seems to have no thoughts of letting go. He opens his mouth to say something, when Cullen interrupts them, and he turns to the commander to give him a curt nod in greeting. "Cullen."

He looks mildly annoyed, though. They're clearly having a reunion here. Doesn't the ex-templar have anything better to do?

Fenris turns his attention back to Hawke. "Do you have any place more... private where we can talk?"

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke is still just so baffled by this. Fenris is here. Why is Fenris here? Hawke died two months ago and he didn't show up then, so..... why now?

And why is he covered in blood? "What happened to you? And when did you get to Skyhold? And why are you in Skyhold? I thought you were fighting slavers in Tevinter?"

He looks over at Cullen and then back at Fenris. His brain is having a hard time with --

Oh, Maker, this is going to be awkward. He doubts Fenris will much approve of his being with Cullen now. Perhaps talking somewhere private really would be better. "Erm. We can talk in my room, I suppose."

And then he looks at Cullen again. "I'll see you in a bit?"

[chantry_choirboy]

Cullen's eyebrow shoots up, but he really can't do much but nod. He crushes the insecure whisper inside him straight away. He trusts Hawke. Hawke loves him. Right?

"Clearly you have much to catch up on. I will have Beauty settled in," he says and takes her reins to lead her into the stables together with his own horse.

[magical_fisting]

Fenris is already tugging Hawke with him... somewhat blindly because he has no idea where Hawke's room is. The thought of getting away from everyone else is all that guides him.

"Since when do you ask Ser Cullen's permission to do anything," he teases. It doesn't come out as light and friendly as it could, or should. He sounds suspicious, if anything, but then again... doesn't he always?

[incrediblyhawkeward]

"He's Commander Cullen now," he informs him right back and occasionally tugs Fenris in the correct direction, long legs easily keeping up with the much shorter elf.

He opens the door for Fenris, fully expecting to be tugged inside just as roughly as he's been tugged around Skyhold, so he doesn't end up off balance. He uses his foot to kick the door closed behind him.

"You haven't answered any of my questions."

He is happy to see him, he really is, but it's far more concerning that Fenris has shown up with blood all over his armor and injuries everywhere. Something obviously happened and Hawke suspects Fenris is here to ask for his help.

[magical_fisting]

"Good for him." Who cares? They can catch up on mutual acquaintances later. After they've handled more pressing matters.

Of course Hawke is getting tugged inside. And then slammed back against the closed door so Fenris can kiss him again. "I thought you had broken your promise," he snarls against his lips.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Maker, he'd forgotten about Fenris' strength.

His mouth is assaulted again before he can react to stop it, but then he manages to get his hands between them and push Fenris back.

He stares at him for a moment, confused and slightly aroused because he knows this body so well. "What are you doing?" Because they'd agreed not to-- They stopped being together three years ago. This isn't really an appropriate way to greet each other anymore, and Cullen certainly would not approve.

[magical_fisting]

Fenris stumbles back a step just from the surprise of being pushed away. He can understand that Hawke just came back from traveling and he is probably tired and cranky-- Fenris certainly would be-- but they haven't seen each other in so long and-

"I... missed you," he says, sounding confused. And a little amazed that Hawke seems to not understand that.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke furrows his brows and frowns at him and it both breaks his heart and angers him that Fenris dare look that sad and confused. "And I missed you, but we went our separate ways. I just -- Maker, did you not find someone else in three years?"

He'd contented himself with the idea that Fenris would find someone else to trust and be with and that he would eventually be happy.

But if he hasn't and he's come back to try to be with Hawke again...

Why must things be so difficult all the time?

[magical_fisting]

"What?"

That question makes no sense. His only explanation is that this is a joke. This is one of Hawke's ridiculous, badly timed jokes. It has to be.

"Don't be a fool," he snaps. "Why would I ever look for someone else while I have you waiting for me-" It's the second he utters those words that a cold chill runs down his spine. It clicks, just like that. Of course: Hawke didn't wait, did he?

"What have you done?"

If he says that as if you just stole away the most precious thing he has ever had, ever will have... it's because you did.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke searches Fenris' face as realization dawns on him. Oh no. Oh no.

"You thought--" Fenris thought they were still together? This whole time? He really thought that after they parted ways, when Hawke said his heartbroken good-byes and let Fenris go to be his own elf, that Hawke would wait for him?

"I let you go because that was what you wanted, Fenris. You wanted to be free to do your own thing for however long you needed. I can't-- I'm getting old. I couldn't wait for you forever like I was willing to do in Kirkwall. And I thought you understood that when we parted ways," he says as gently as he can. "I thought we were in agreement."

[magical_fisting]

"In agreement about what exactly? You went off to fight a war-- or so I thought-- as did I. Did you think I was leaving you simply because my sword was needed elsewhere? Why would we end it? We were-" Happy is the word he can't bring himself to say. Suddenly there's a horrible taste that comes with that word. "I thought you were dead." There's so many questions. On both sides, apparently.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke tilts his head back until it lands against the door with a thud and he sighs, closing his eyes against the sudden headache that's threatening to consume him.

This isn't what he expected at all. He'd been heartbroken over Fenris for a long time and then he'd been angry that Fenris had broken his promise to go wherever Hawke needed him. As it turns out, Hawke is the one who broke the promise. Even if he thought differently.

"I got trapped in the Fade," he explains. "For a month out here. It felt like six in there. Everyone thought I was dead. I suppose, technically, I was. I didn't need to eat or sleep or drink. It was just one battle after another against an army that would never run out.

"But then the Inquisitor defeated Corypheus and when the Breach closed, I was thrown out of the Fade. I ended up coming back to Skyhold through an eluvian." Fenris will remember the mirror.

"You didn't write back to Varric. I assumed you weren't coming. I thought-- I thought maybe you were just trying to let go."

[magical_fisting]

"I did not know you had come back," he snarls, but then reels in his anger and steps backwards until he sinks into one of the chairs in the small room.

"I was already leaving Tevinter to come here when I received news of what had happened to you. Shortly after that I was captured." Captured because he was heartbroken and distracted and careless, Those are all written in his expression, though he elects not to mention it.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

Hawke slides down the door until he's sitting against it with his elbows resting on his knees, legs bent and tucked against his chest. "You fought your way free." Of course Fenris did. He would never allow himself to remain captured for long.

"Are you hurt?" Because that's easier to focus on than the issue of Fenris obviously having come back for him.

[magical_fisting]

"It took some time for me to remember why I had run away in the first place. Losing you was agony," he says with his head down. There's pain in those words, but also shame. He is embarrassed over losing sight of the grander scheme to such an extent that he almost gave up for a while.

"After I had fought them, I set course for this place. I cannot tell you why. Without you I had nowhere to go. It seemed as good a place as any, and it was the last place you had been. I would have been here a week sooner had they not caught up with me. I was prepared this time. Though I still had to take some detours to lead them away from here. They were too numerous for me to kill in one battle." That's why he's still looking like he has some healing to do. It's only been a couple of days since his last encounter, and it was a hard one for a lone traveler.

"I reached Skyhold during the night, only to hear that not only were you alive and well, but you were back out on a covert mission with the Commander and your return was delayed. I was preparing to go find you when you returned. I did not want to risk losing you again."

[incrediblyhawkeward]

He's rubbing his hands over his face. He feels like he's finally hit the saturation point for what he can take. First Adamant, then the Fade, then the red lyrium, and now... Fenris.

He tucks his head down onto his knees and takes deep breaths.

How is he supposed to explain this to both Fenris and Cullen without hurting either of them? And without Fenris taking out his aggression on Cullen? The last thing he wants is for them to fight over him.

As far as he's concerned, he's Cullen's now and Fenris, though there is still a part of Hawke that loves him, will have to accept that.

"I'm glad you escaped. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help." He means that. If he'd known Fenris was in trouble, he'd have come charging after him, regardless of what awkwardness it would cause. He would fight with the same vigor to free him as he would to free Cullen.

"I've... only been out of the Fade for a month. And then we came across red lyrium and we had to deal with that." And a little, sharp pang of fear goes through him at the thought of Fenris being infected with it -- of all of his beautiful white tattoos turning an angry red. "There hasn't been time for anything else. And I thought Varric wrote you to tell you I came back? Though... if he sent it to Tevinter, I suppose you wouldn't have received it."

[magical_fisting]

"I did not need help," he snorts. He didn't need a rescue. He's just happy that Hawke is alright. Alive, at least. He doesn't look anywhere near alright.

He stands up and moves over to crouch down in front of Hawke, one hand carefully moving to rest on Hawke's knee. It's uncomfortable. He doesn't know what to say to make it better. He might not look like he wants to do that, but he does.

There's also the matter that they are clearly skirting around. Hawke didn't wait for him. His heart doesn't want to believe it, but it is undeniable. "You had another." That's not a question, and he's not ready to ask who it is either.

[incrediblyhawkeward]

"Yes," he croaks out without lifting his head. He feels so guilty now, a minor tremble running through him. "I had thought we ended it. I thought-- Maker, Fenris. I'm sorry. I thought we were saying the same thing, but we weren't and now I've hurt you. I'm so sorry."

He's so ashamed of himself. He should have made sure Fenris understood, should have said things differently. He didn't mean to deceive him.

[magical_fisting]

It hurts. He knew what the answer would be, but it still cuts him in half to hear that guilt in Hawke's voice, and see that tremble. At the same time he's angry enough that there's a faint glow to him. How could Hawke be so stupid? How could he think for a second that Fenris would want anything other than what they had...?

"I stood by you. I fought for the rights of mages. For you. All I asked of you was time to fight the cause I abandoned when I chose to stay at your side. I never asked you to move on! That was not what I wanted!"

[incrediblyhawkeward]

"I'm sorry," he says again. He doesn't know what else to say. He'd misunderstood the whole thing and now here's Fenris and there's no room in Hawke's heart for him because it's all full of Cullen.

[magical_fisting]

He stands up, but he can't make his feet obey in order to walk out of there. It is true that Hawke is blocking the door, but getting him to move out of the way is not an issue. He knows that.

And yet... he doesn't want to go.

His frown deepens, part of him furious that he can't bring himself to walk out with his dignity intact. "You know that I am not one who forgives easily," he snarls. He doesn't forgive. He gets angry and cuts the disease out of his life.

Pride is all he has, and yet here is he is moving to sit down next to Hawke, shoulder-to-shoulder. He can't bring himself to say the words, but instead hears how his voice cracks when he croaks out a hoarse ""Hawke.."

I love you, it says. I'll forgive you. Just you.